Hey, guys? Please go send some kind messages to this lovely mun. She’s going through a tough time right now. I know you don’t see too many posts about it, but I’m taking to her ooc and she could use the support.
She’s very important to me and her happiness means a lot to me.
The Doctor’s here. He came when I called just like he always does. But not “my” Doctor. Now my Doctor…
Do You Love Someone With Depression?
If you have a partner or are close to someone who struggles with depression, you may not always know how to show them you love them. One day they may seem fine, and the next they are sad, distant and may push you away. It is important that you know that as a person who is close to them and trusted by them, you can help your friend or partner have shorter, less severe bouts of depression. Mental illness is as real as physical illness (it is physical actually, read more about that here) and your partner needs you as much as they would need to be cared for if they had the flu.
Your relationship may seem one-sided during these times, but by helping your partner through a very difficult and painful affliction, you are strengthening your relationship and their mental health in the long term.
1. Help them keep clutter at bay.
When a person begins spiraling into depression, they may feel like they are slowing down while the world around them speeds up. The mail may end up in stacks, dishes can pile up in the sink, laundry may go undone as the depressed person begins to feel more and more overwhelmed by their daily routine and unable to keep up. By giving your partner some extra help sorting mail, washing dishes or using paper plates and keeping chaos in check in general, you’ll be giving them (and yourself) the gift of a calm environment. (I’m a fan of the minimalist movement because of this, you can read more about that here.)
2. Fix them a healthy meal.
Your partner may do one of two things when they are in a depressed state. They may eat very little, or they may overeat. In either case, they may find that driving through a fast food restaurant or ordering a pizza online is just easier than fixing a meal. Eating like this, or neglecting to eat will only degrade your partner’s health, causing them to go deeper into their depression. Help your loved one keep their body healthy, and their mind will follow. This is a great article that talks about the “Brain Diet” which can help the symptoms of depression, and this article talks about how our modern diet could contribute to the recent rise in depression. Here is a recipe for a trail mix that is quick to make and has mood-boosting properties.
3.Get them outside.
The benefits of getting outside for a depressed person are huge. And it is possibly the last thing on earth your partner will want to do. Take them to be somewhere in nature. Pack a picnic and lie in the sun, take a leisurely hike or plant a garden. Being barefoot in the dirt, or “earthing” helps ground the body and reverse the effects of living in a world of emf’s, and digging in soil can actually act as an antidepressant, as a strain of bacterium in soil, Mycobacterium vaccae, triggers the release of seratonin, which in turn elevates mood and decreases anxiety. Sunshine increases Vitamin D production which can help alleviate depression. My friend Elizabeth wrote an excellent post about Vitamin D and its link to depression here. For more information about other sources of Vitamin D, this is a great post as well as this.
4. Ask them to help you understand what they’re feeling.
If your partner is able to articulate what they are going through, it will help them and you better understand what you are dealing with, and may give insight into a plan of action for helping your partner. Also, feeling alone is common for a depressed person and anything that combats that feeling will help alleviate the severity and length of the depression.
5. Encourage them to focus on self-care.
Depressed people often stop taking care of themselves. Showering, getting haircuts, going to the doctor or dentist, it’s all just too hard, and they don’t deserve to be well taken care of anyway in their minds. This can snowball quickly into greater feelings of worthlessness since “Now I’m such a mess, no one could ever love me”. Help your loved one by being proactive. Tell them “I’m going to do the dishes, why don’t you go enjoy a bubble bath?” can give them the permission they won’t give themselves to do something normal, healthy and self-loving.
6. Hug them.
Studies show that a sincere hug that lasts longer than 20 seconds can release feel-good chemicals in the brain and elevate the mood of the giver and receiver. Depressed people often don’t want to be touched, but a sincere hug with no expectation of anything further can give your partner a lift.
7. Laugh with them.
Telling a silly joke, watching a comedy or seeing a stand up comedian will encourage your partner to laugh in spite of themselves. Laughing releases endorphins and studies show can actually counteract symptoms of depression and anxiety.
8. Reassure them that you can handle their feelings.
Your partner may be feeling worthless, angry and even guilty while they are depressed. They may be afraid that they will end up alone because no one will put up with their episodes forever. Reassure them that you are in the relationship for the long haul and they won’t scare you away because they have an illness.
9. Challenge their destructive thoughts.
A depressed person’s mind can be a never-ending loop of painful, destructive thoughts. “I’m unlovable, I’m a failure, I’m ugly, I’m stupid”. Challenge these untruths with the truth. “You’re not unlovable, I love you. You aren’t a failure, here are all the things you’ve accomplished.”
10.Remind them why you love them.
Look at pictures of happy times you’ve had together. Tell them your favorite things about them. Reminisce about your relationship and all the positive things that have happened, and remind your partner that you love them and they will get through this.
(via The Darling Bakers)
More people need to know this.This is so incredibly important. I’ve seen people with depression ostracized so many times, and I cannot stress how much it means to each and every person I’ve tried to reach out to after whatever “falling-outs” they’ve had due to depression. Remember to always be compassionate and kind to all friends like this, because you never know what they’re going through.
As someone who works in natural health and diet, and has experimented on themselves with better diet and supplementation, I can definitely say the articles above about diet and getting outdoors are very very true and helpful. This is a wonderful guide and I hope everyone reads this.
It doesn’t do turkey. Nothing does turkey. You’d need a time machine.
Sanative Magazine’s 50 alternatives to self harm ordered by mood.
It is important in many peoples recovery journey to have a management plan when working through self harm. People can experience a wide variety of moods when the urge to self harm arises, although this list only deals with a few moods I hope that it is comprehensive and you will be able to understand that if you are feeling jealous you may like to try out the sad suggestions (if you are feeling particularly down), or the angry ones (if you are feeling particularly riled up and filled with frustrated energy).
It is good to have a few ideas that you would be willing to try in mind before the urge becomes too much to bare. Different emotional states often respond best to emotion specific responses, which is why lists like these can help. Keep any ideas that you are drawn to written down and try them next time you are feeling as if you want to self harm. These distraction and self soothing lists will be in constant revision as you find out what works for you (some things won’t work, and often nothing will work 100% of the time, but it is important to keep working at it.)
As with any mental health concern I recommend getting the assistance of a professional to work alongside you in this journey.
Here are a list of some distractions & self soothing ideas based on mood. Some of these activities could overlap into another mood, so don’t feel like they’re set in stone - use whatever you think would be helpful!
1. Cry it out.
2. Watch a ridiculous comedy.
3. Take a warm shower
4. Listen to inspiring, upbeat music.
5. Spend time with a pet.
6. Organise your room
7. Phone a friend or even visit them
8. Read a trashy magazine
9. Make a list of quotes and lyrics that inspire you
10. Make a list of places you’d like to visit, or things you’d like to do within your lifetime.
11. Write how you’re feeling in a journal
12. Go for a long and peaceful walk
13. Bake or cook a favourite dish
14. Go to the movie theatre and watch the next movie that comes on (of course attempting to ensure that it will be trigger free)
15. Watch silly daytime television.
16. Play a video game or a board game.
17. Write letters to your best friends and send them if you wish to.
18. Start drawing, or a create a collage of how you’re feeling - don’t worry about how it looks, no one has to see it.
19. Cuddle a soft toy
20. Place a blanket in the dryer and wrap it around yourself
21. Make a cup of tea/coffee and attempt to focus mindfully on your actions whilst preparing and drinking the tea.
22. Look up and learn breathing techniques and mindfulness strategies, if you see a health professional try talking to them about these strategies and work out a plan of how to practice these techniques so that you’ll eventually be able to successfully use them when your urges seem unmanageable.
23. Run yourself a warm bath and fill it with aromatherapy oils.
24. Count by 9’s
25. Paint your nails
26. Colour in a mandala
27. If you are religious, pray or meditate.
28. Take photographs of something that catches your eye. Upload it somewhere like Instagram.
29. Collect a list of silly websites! For example
30. Look up funny cats and dogs on Youtube. Trust me. It’s endless and brilliant.
31. Fill in a CBT ABC worksheet or something similar. You can ask your therapist for something of the sort. Here is a good resource, it contains thought records as well. You can even draw up your own as these are arguably not the most aesthetically pleasing worksheets.
32. Watch a candle burn.
34. Dance to ridiculous music
35. Scream out to music that expresses how you feel
36. Scream into a pillow
37. Punch a pile of pillows
38. Invest in a punching bag. Punch the absolute shit out of it.
39. Write a letter to someone you’re mad - swear at them, scream at them, get it ALL out, and and tear it up
40. Eat a lemon, sour loly, a chili - anything that will focus on your senses without hurting you.
41. Hold ice cubes in your hand, rub them under your knees, on the heels of your feet.
42. Watch a film that makes you laugh.
43. Take your dog for a walk
44. Wash the dishes
45. Go for a run/sprint
46. Write your thoughts on your body in red pen.
47. Hit soft toys/pillow against the wall repetitively.
48. Have a cold shower. With your clothes on if need be. If you get out of the shower and your urges/anger comes back, get in the shower again.
49. CALL A HELP LINE OR THERAPIST IF YOU ARE IN DANGER OR ARE FEELING UNSAFE
50. Remember that not every distraction will work and it is still important to consider why you are self harming to begin with. According to DBT therapy distractions are not a CURE for self harm, rather they are a technique to be used whilst the urges are too severe to work on. Aftere the urge has subsided it is important to SPEAK TO SOMEONE about how you are feeling. It is 34239534973657864% recommended that you find a health professional you trust to talk through these things with.
I repeat: NOT EVERY DISTRACTION WILL WORK. And those that do may not help every time. A slip up, or a 100, do not make you a “failure” of recovery. The fact that you are actively trying to get help and find other ways of coping is AMAZING. Try (and try and try) not to be hard on yourself!It is important in many peoples recovery journey to have a management plan when working through self harm.
It is good to have a few ideas that you would be willing to try in mind before the urge becomes too much to bare. Keep these ideas written down and try them next time you are feeling as if you want to self harm. These distraction and self soothing lists will be in constant revision as you find out what works for you.
As with any mental health concern I recommend getting the assistance of a professional to work alongside you in this journey.
Did you know that in 900 years of time and space I've never met someone who wasn't important before?
((This is a roleplay/ask blog for the Eleventh Doctor.))
I'm the Doctor and I was here to help. (Advice tag may have triggers)
((Active since June 6th, 2013))